And the winner this year isn't... The Academy Awards

Looking for a reason to travel today? Newsflash - you won't find the answer to that question in the Oscars, the self-congratulatory celebrity orgy awards in LA.

In fact, after tonight, that cruise your mother's been bugging you to go on with her may look like a dream vacation.

Since the get-go, this year's Oscars have been plagued with bad luck. The writers' strike and being CP Image - Oscarsforced to watch Obama and Clinton jockey for top dog have left us all less than in the mood.

The looming recession isn't doing much for our collective mood either.

Oh, and there's John Stewart. Didn't he host the Oscars 2 years ago when ratings hit an all-time low? I seem to recall less than 40 million Americans tuning in. Wonder how he scored the gig again?

If things can get any worse (and apparently they can) we're pretty sure the awards will play out like a rerun of a 70s sitcom.

"No Country for Old Men," is the favorite for best picture, best director, best adapted screenplay and, of course, best actor (Javier Bardem). The hit teen pregnancy comedy, Juno, is a shoo-in for the best original screenplay.

I guess "Crash" wining best picture 2 years ago didn'tVacation Notice teach anyone that a movie about an important issue isn't necessarily an important movie.

We could blame the writers' strike for blowing a hole in California's economy (and our jaded view of the whole show). But our dissatisfaction with Oscar is little like waking up after 30 years of marriage and wondering what the hell you've been doing, and why.

Even Vanity Fair cancelled its post-Oscar party, usually the most flamboyant and pretentious party of the night.

If your mother left on that cruise without you (mine did) and you don't have tickets to the Oscars (mine were lost in the mail), what's up for you tonight?