Or - Bite Me, I'm Yours

Flying is serious business. I spend more time undressing my way through security and customs than I do safely ensconced in my seat in the air. It can be stressful, but mostly it's just annoying.

Want to know what gets me through still smiling and ready to travel again? Simple. A sense of humor.

Scary Flight AttendantsOver the years I've met some flight attendants that would shame Attila the Hun. And I've met some who could give Jim Carey a run for his money. But I especially loved the one who, in an effort to get cell phones turned off, told passengers that they impressed her in the 90's - but not so much anymore.

Then there was a pilot who announced, "All Rise," when the flight door opened.

But the best flight attendant I've ever met was the Dolly Parton look-alike (with just as much plastic surgery) who flew me down to San Juan on my recent Princess Cruise. Her red lips and 4" hair-do made me wonder at the miracles of cosmetic science. But it was her attitude that kept me truly entertained.

After a 3-hour delay on the runway, the collective patience on the plane was fried. In preparation for departure, Dolly-Wanna-Be announced, "Buckle up and take your headphones out. If you don't, I'll call you out and embarrass you."

There was no mistaking the venom in her voice.

Then it was time for snacks. My partner and I hadn't packed food, thinking it was a quick flight and we'd enjoy a burger on a patio when we arrived in San Juan. After waiting 3 hours (and with another 4 ahead of us), we were starved.

A Sense of HumorBy the time Dolly-Wanna-Be reached us, choice was limited. "You're all a bunch of Hannibal Lectors," she snarled as she drew near. "Go ahead and take a bite of me if it'll make you feel better."

I couldn't help but laugh at her, which egged her on as she progressed. I bit my lip, more than a little afraid that she was serious - and I didn't want to get called out and shamed.

As we filed off the plane, I longed to take her picture and share it with all of you. But like I said, she scared me. And I was starting a 2-week vacation with husband.....Best to leave Dolly-Wanna-Be to her next victims.

Ever met a flight attendant that scared / thrilled / annoyed the heck out of you? We'd love to hear your story. Feel free to use pseudonyms to protect the innocent (and guilty).